Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

*Please note that this is written simply as something to think about concerning interactions with others. It is not written as a personal response to any one person’s actions or to attack anyone. If nothing else, it is important for me to write as a reminder to myself as to how I would like to improve my relationships/communications with others.

I thought this was a fitting quote. Sometimes I think people view me as "lost." “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”
-- Dalai Lama

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and today I feel it is important for me to write. Drew and I would like to have children. Anyone who really knows us knows this much. Some people don’t know that we are currently unable to have children of our own. Please don’t confuse this with we will never have any of our own but currently it is not easily achieved. We have not used contraception for five years.

The next question that usually follows this tidbit of news is “How much testing have you done?” Honestly, not much. The first round of blood tests showed everything was normal. That should be a positive thing but instead it was frustrating. So, unlike many, we have not pursued medical testing. I admire those who have. I recognize them as some of the strongest people I know. There is a lot of heartache and not a lot of privacy in the manner. I’m not up for that. Instead, we have patiently waited for the right time to adopt.We continue to wait but in the mean time we do recognize the Lord’s hand in our lives. I know that He is aware of our situation and the only one who fully understands our hearts.

Here is the part I most want to share. In a quiet moment with myself I thought about what I wish someone would say when they learn of our situation. So many women I talk to have plenty of stories to tell about what was said to them, “Oh I know so and so that went through that,” “Here’s how you get pregnant…” or “Well, I have a 2 year old that you can have.” I understand you want to sympathize but right now that so and so that you know and has children now, does not pertain to me. I don’t need your advice on how to conceive, frankly it’s not happening. And realistically I would love to take your rowdy child home with me right now but you’d miss them within a few hours, you know you would.

So what would be a better response? I came to the conclusion that the best thing to say to someone in this type of situation is, “How are you holding up? How are you doing today?” I think it would go a long way to find out if they have a good support system, if they feel like they matter, if they feel like there is someone willing to lend a listening ear.

Some days, including today, I don’t mind our current family status. I love that I spend every day with my best friend and I understand that our demands from school, work, and church callings are taking up enough of our time together. I love that we’ve had time to work on our friendship and “grow up” together and decide on what it is we really want out of life. But of course given the chance I'd still take the additional responsibility/distraction/joy of a child any day.

Other days, it is THE MOST devastating feeling to know that another day, week, month, year has gone by that we have been unable to welcome someone new to our family. That it is more time spent without the joys (and sorrows) that accompany parenthood. That there is an empty void in life that cannot be filled and there is no telling when it will be. Times when I cannot avoid the feelings of longing and heartache because I cannot fulfill my divine mission. Knowing that I may never see the sweet combination of our cutest and quirkiest features. Other days, it's harder than anything I ever imagined in ways I never previously considered.

To sum it up I feel like the reply of “How are you holding up? How are you doing today?” could be applied to many difficult situations. If you hear of someone who is unemployed, diagnosed with illness, facing financial hardship, recently moved away from home, been hurt by someone, potty training a defiant toddler, etc. listen to their story, and then let that be your guide whether to offer sympathy, advice, or nothing more than a listening ear.

A follow up for Heidi

For whatever reason I feel that I should put this out there.

This day marks 1 year since I ended my "unemployment". I put it in quotations because although I had no gainful employment, I don't feel that I was without work long enough to truly consider it a traditional stint of unemployment. I had quit my previous job in the middle of January. It seemed odd to a lot of people because there weren't a lot of jobs advertised and I didn't have anything lined up. My husband was in school and transitioning from an hourly to a contract position. This meant that after my last paycheck we would be without a sizable deposit for about 6 weeks.

Of course it was a little nerve racking. Stepping into the unknown is always a little frightening. But as hard as it was to say "I'll see you later" to some really good friends I'd made along the way, I was beaming to know that I was no longer...trapped, for lack of a better word. The experience I gained was tremendous and I made dear friends, I was grateful to have the job security we needed when things got hard but beyond that, I was unhappy.

I am grateful to Drew for pushing me to choose something else. I'm grateful to him for working hard so that I didn't need to worry much. I'm grateful that he let me be without a job for a time. It was really nice to stay at home and have dinner prepped when he got home in the evening. It was nice to remember who I am and what I enjoy when I have time to myself. I finished some sewing projects, spent time with some family members, I'm pretty sure I read a book too.

I was surprised and blessed to find a new job in a small amount of time. I am lucky to be where I am and to be surrounded by wonderful people. It has been a joy getting to know them and work with them and talk with them. It surprised me how quickly a year can pass. As in all things it is another manifestation that the Lord loves us and knows His children as individuals.