Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

*Please note that this is written simply as something to think about concerning interactions with others. It is not written as a personal response to any one person’s actions or to attack anyone. If nothing else, it is important for me to write as a reminder to myself as to how I would like to improve my relationships/communications with others.

I thought this was a fitting quote. Sometimes I think people view me as "lost." “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”
-- Dalai Lama

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and today I feel it is important for me to write. Drew and I would like to have children. Anyone who really knows us knows this much. Some people don’t know that we are currently unable to have children of our own. Please don’t confuse this with we will never have any of our own but currently it is not easily achieved. We have not used contraception for five years.

The next question that usually follows this tidbit of news is “How much testing have you done?” Honestly, not much. The first round of blood tests showed everything was normal. That should be a positive thing but instead it was frustrating. So, unlike many, we have not pursued medical testing. I admire those who have. I recognize them as some of the strongest people I know. There is a lot of heartache and not a lot of privacy in the manner. I’m not up for that. Instead, we have patiently waited for the right time to adopt.We continue to wait but in the mean time we do recognize the Lord’s hand in our lives. I know that He is aware of our situation and the only one who fully understands our hearts.

Here is the part I most want to share. In a quiet moment with myself I thought about what I wish someone would say when they learn of our situation. So many women I talk to have plenty of stories to tell about what was said to them, “Oh I know so and so that went through that,” “Here’s how you get pregnant…” or “Well, I have a 2 year old that you can have.” I understand you want to sympathize but right now that so and so that you know and has children now, does not pertain to me. I don’t need your advice on how to conceive, frankly it’s not happening. And realistically I would love to take your rowdy child home with me right now but you’d miss them within a few hours, you know you would.

So what would be a better response? I came to the conclusion that the best thing to say to someone in this type of situation is, “How are you holding up? How are you doing today?” I think it would go a long way to find out if they have a good support system, if they feel like they matter, if they feel like there is someone willing to lend a listening ear.

Some days, including today, I don’t mind our current family status. I love that I spend every day with my best friend and I understand that our demands from school, work, and church callings are taking up enough of our time together. I love that we’ve had time to work on our friendship and “grow up” together and decide on what it is we really want out of life. But of course given the chance I'd still take the additional responsibility/distraction/joy of a child any day.

Other days, it is THE MOST devastating feeling to know that another day, week, month, year has gone by that we have been unable to welcome someone new to our family. That it is more time spent without the joys (and sorrows) that accompany parenthood. That there is an empty void in life that cannot be filled and there is no telling when it will be. Times when I cannot avoid the feelings of longing and heartache because I cannot fulfill my divine mission. Knowing that I may never see the sweet combination of our cutest and quirkiest features. Other days, it's harder than anything I ever imagined in ways I never previously considered.

To sum it up I feel like the reply of “How are you holding up? How are you doing today?” could be applied to many difficult situations. If you hear of someone who is unemployed, diagnosed with illness, facing financial hardship, recently moved away from home, been hurt by someone, potty training a defiant toddler, etc. listen to their story, and then let that be your guide whether to offer sympathy, advice, or nothing more than a listening ear.

A follow up for Heidi

For whatever reason I feel that I should put this out there.

This day marks 1 year since I ended my "unemployment". I put it in quotations because although I had no gainful employment, I don't feel that I was without work long enough to truly consider it a traditional stint of unemployment. I had quit my previous job in the middle of January. It seemed odd to a lot of people because there weren't a lot of jobs advertised and I didn't have anything lined up. My husband was in school and transitioning from an hourly to a contract position. This meant that after my last paycheck we would be without a sizable deposit for about 6 weeks.

Of course it was a little nerve racking. Stepping into the unknown is always a little frightening. But as hard as it was to say "I'll see you later" to some really good friends I'd made along the way, I was beaming to know that I was no longer...trapped, for lack of a better word. The experience I gained was tremendous and I made dear friends, I was grateful to have the job security we needed when things got hard but beyond that, I was unhappy.

I am grateful to Drew for pushing me to choose something else. I'm grateful to him for working hard so that I didn't need to worry much. I'm grateful that he let me be without a job for a time. It was really nice to stay at home and have dinner prepped when he got home in the evening. It was nice to remember who I am and what I enjoy when I have time to myself. I finished some sewing projects, spent time with some family members, I'm pretty sure I read a book too.

I was surprised and blessed to find a new job in a small amount of time. I am lucky to be where I am and to be surrounded by wonderful people. It has been a joy getting to know them and work with them and talk with them. It surprised me how quickly a year can pass. As in all things it is another manifestation that the Lord loves us and knows His children as individuals.

Red Lobster vs. The Spaghetti Factory

One of the local students wrote a compare and contrast paper so that Drew and I could decide where to celebrate our anniversary. We celebrated 8 years this week and based on what the student wrote we chose to have dinner at Red Lobster.

Coke products, sweet lemonades, and water are options at both locations.

You know bread is a big selling point for me and these cheddar biscuits were yummy!

I think this should have been a selling point mentioned in the paper. How many places offer fresh pepper AND sea salt?

My Webelo Cub Scouts - (H-Man)

As part of the Communicator Badge the Webelos are asked to write about one of their den meetings for a newsletter, website, or newspaper. Today we are publishing the writings of one we will call H-Man. Enjoy!

"Dear Sister roska,

the den meeting were we did different kinds of codes was very fun. we talked about different kinds of codes and how you can make different kinds of codes. Brother roska was there and he told us a story from his mission. He was with his companyin at a restaurant. They were finished there diner and the people working there said hand me your plate so i can clean it. But in a different language that meant hand me your butt so i can clean it. And that is what we did."

Roska's Pottery is Back

Drew has been working very hard on his pottery this Fall. He will be selling most items and you will be able to view them at roskaspottery.blogspot.com starting sometime this weekend. I hope you'll take a moment to look over what he's made. Maybe you'll find a holiday gift for yourself or a loved one.

Updated Family Photo

It has been years since Drew and I have had an official "family photo" taken. If we're both in a photo it's most likely taken by one of us with an arm outstretched hoping both of our faces will be in the frame. Some photos turn out and others just don't. This weekend we took an opportunity to have someone else behind the camera and get all of us in the picture.

Our family: Hama, Drew, and Goliath

Happy Halloween Everyone!

LXD

I'm a bit speechless. This is incredible. I love the music and the movements. I love that people share their talents.



This is not the appearance they made on Wednesday but still super cool. Check it out.

The Coolest Amputee

In the category of "Prosthetics under $10" this tortoise wins first prize.

I saw this young man in the news today and had to chuckle. It's probably a great conversation starter for him to pick up on the lady tortoises. The news piece calls him an ATT All Terrain Tortoise and mention now that he can get around he's eating like a pig. How funny?!

Introducing Discovering Delicious

This is a small snippet to let you know about my new blog "Discovering Delicious".

I have always enjoyed food but I haven't always been open to new flavors like I am now. A few years ago I started watching food shows on local public television and found that I really enjoyed seeing what new things they were creating and how I wish I had smellivision. (Someone can start working on that for me.)

I've made a lot of new recipes and am adding to the "keeper" file that started with childhood favorites from my mother and neighbors. I often think, "You know who would like this..." or "I should share this with..." This is a way for me to share my bounty and help keep me organized. So, if you are interested in seeing what new flavors are being produced in the Roska home, check out Discovering Delicious.

Denver, CO

Imagine the following scene playing out in our living room after work and before scouts one evening.
Hama: "Hey Drew, would you like to go see a soccer game? Mexico vs. New Zealand."
Drew: "That'd be cool."
H: "I found discount tickets online and they are playing in Denver next week. Let me know if this is something you would seriously want to do."
D: "K"

The next morning at work I receive a text message, "Let's go."

So we told our bosses, booked the flight, hotel, car, and bought soccer tickets. The next week we headed to the airport, flew to Denver, stayed a couple of nights, and enjoyed our time away from the norm.

In the short time we had to prepare and plan everything I found a "Real Pirates" exhibit by National Geographic about the Wyhdah, an honest to goodness pirate ship. The wreckage was discovered off the coast of Cape Cod and pieces were going to be on display in Denver. It did not disappoint. The only complaint I have is that we couldn't take photos inside the exhibit.

They had some really cool pieces on display for us to view. The Wyhdah's bell, cannons, guns, sword handles, socks, dishes, human remains, and of course pirate treasure. There were a few pieces on a table covered with glass and holes for your fingers to touch the treasure.

After exploring the Nature and Science Museum we ate a delicious lunch at a restaurant recommended by the gift shop cashier. Thank you locals who know good food!

And afterwords walked it off at the Art Museum. There was almost too much to handle - two buildings, a total of 8 floors, and SO much to see. I'll pick 3 that I liked: American landscapes (no surprise), the wild west of horses, cowboys, broncos, and buffalo, and the woven bamboo baskets.

Drew liked the totem poles and the one in the above photo was unique, just like my Drew. I was really impressed with the places we visited, there were several activities throughout to help children learn and play. There was a spot to dress like the old west, so minus the flip flops and glitter toes I was stylin' - old school.

If that wasn't enough for one day, we finished it off with an epic soccer game. Let's just say we were not disappointed. The skill level of Mexico's players was amazing, the game was intense and we won, and the crowd surrounding us was boisterous and fun-loving.

The fella sitting next to Drew didn't even hesitate and started up a conversation in Spanish. Yep, he's my Mexican lover and it's more pronounced with his summer tan.

The photo of the two of us is blurry but I love it anyway.

That's right we won 3-0! Awesome game from start to finish.

The next morning we woke up and got ready and checked out. We were able to participate in a session at the Denver temple and feel of the loving spirit that resides in the house of The Lord.

It was windy but the warmth felt good compared to the 60 degree highs in Utah. We ate lunch at Maggiano's and we've already planned a stop in Vegas this winter to enjoy some more of their delicious food. It may be a good thing that it's not in Utah because I may want to visit too often... one more is never enough...

After a little shopping we were on our way to the airport to return again to good ol' Utah. Would I go back? Yes, there were a lot of things that we didn't have a chance to enjoy. Driving through downtown was beautiful. They have so much architectural interest and good food and we didn't have a chance to visit the U.S. Mint. It was booked 2 months out. Would I vacation again that quickly? Maybe not. I really enjoy the anticipation factor of vacation. I like planning where we'll go and what we'll see and getting excited for it almost as much as actually vacationing.